Raising teens can be a rollercoaster, with mood swings, defiance, risky habits, irresponsibility, and sometimes, flat-out disrespect. Most parents find that raising their children becomes extra stressful when adolescence hits. This is the time for growth and self-discovery as they navigate many emotions. If you have teenagers, you can expect them to start seeking independence and testing boundaries (as well as your patience). The last thing you want to do is lose your cool during this period. You must help your teenagers navigate this phase while easing the parenting pressure on yourself. The following tips can help you with parenting teens with ease.
Understand that conflict is normal
Kids always disagree with their parents; they become more vocal when they become teenagers. So you can expect a lot of conflicting views at this stage. It doesn’t make you a bad parent or mean you’re failing. Conflict with your teen is normal at this stage; it isn’t always bad.
Remember that your teenager is learning how to become more independent. They’re beginning to see things their way, a normal growth process. So try to remain calm. Listen to your child’s viewpoint before deciding what is worth taking a stand on and what is worth compromising.
Stop calling their issues “teenage problems”
Yes, teenage problems appear during adolescence, but they may be more deeply rooted. Writing off your child’s issues as mere “teenage problems” means ignoring the root cause of the problem. It’s easy to blame every case of mood swings on a malleable adolescent brain or hormonal changes, but that’s only generalizing the problem.
You risk ignoring any underlying issue and worsening the situation if you take the generalization approach. Instead, look beyond the age and recognize that a significant issue could exist. Once you can do that, you can help your teen address those issues, which leads to the next point.
Help them address their struggles
Teens are more conscious about their ‘shortcomings’ at this stage. Their looks, performance in class, socialization issues, or other challenges can easily affect their attitudes, especially at home. Most teenagers feel their parents don’t understand what they’re growing true at that age. It’s important to identify what struggles (if any) your child may have and help them address them.
For example, if your teenager is frustrated because they can’t cope with math class, hire online math tutors to help them. If they feel inadequate because of their looks, reassure them and teach them how to love themselves.
Establish regular bonding time
Sometimes, understanding what your teenager is going through can be difficult, especially when you feel distant from them, or they don’t easily open up to you. You can create a closer bond with your child by establishing dependable together-time. That will make it easier for your teen to open up to you. Start by checking in with your child daily, regardless of how busy your day is.
A few minutes of conversation daily (whether in person or over the phone) can keep you tuned into their daily struggles. It can also foster healthy and open communication. In addition to these short check-ins, set time aside for regular activities. You can do something you both love every week or month.
For example, you can go for a walk, get some ice cream, see a game together, or even travel. It’s important to pick an activity your teen loves so it doesn’t feel like they’re doing it to please you.
Emphasize the positives in parenting a teen
Parenting a teenager isn’t always a whirlwind; it has its positives, and you must focus on that aspect as often as possible. Otherwise, you’ll only look at the negatives and stress yourself. If you know anything about the negative bias, you know that the brain responds more strongly to negative information than to positive.
That means you’ll more likely remember the negative experiences of dealing with your teenager all the time. So, start emphasizing the positives of parenting your child. Create a routine before bed (ideally, at dinner) where you share positives in your day with your child and encourage them to do the same.
Appreciate their positive experiences, point out their strengths in those experiences, and let them know how proud you are. Try doing this as often as possible.
Set rules and boundaries together
When your child hits adolescence, consider setting new rules and boundaries different from the ones you set for them as kids. But this time, involve them in the rule-setting process. Don’t get it wrong; this is not to suggest that you allow your teenager to dictate unreasonable boundaries. It only means sitting down with your child and determining new rules and boundaries together – rules you can hold them accountable for.
Also, decide together on fair punishments for breaking those rules. This way, they’ll have no excuse if they break those rules and have to face the punishments they helped set in the first place. They’ll have less reason to protest when you enforce the boundaries when they play a role in creating them.
Collaborate rather than control
You can collaborate with your teen in other ways besides setting rules and boundaries. Working together is more helpful for their age than trying to control every aspect of their lives. Your teenager will feel more inclined to rebel when you try to control them. That’s because adolescence is when they’re beginning to form a new identity separate from yours. If you continue to exert complete control, you’ll likely lose their willingness to listen.
Let them have some space
Everyone needs to have time for themselves, especially teenagers. Give your child some privacy and start respecting their boundaries. For example, while you may have an open door policy in your home, it’s no excuse not to knock before entering your teenager’s room.
Also, respect your child’s right to keep aspects of their lives to themselves without telling you everything. Knowing what’s going on with your teen is good, but you don’t want to pry or appear to be a “helicopter parent” who is overprotective or crossing boundaries.
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