As children get older, they tend to become a lot more independent. They become more involved in activities at school, have a developing social life, and develop new interests and the like. Most parents will tell you that it may feel as if the child is withdrawing and getting out of reach. Even though it feels this way, it is important to note that the child still needs you. It is therefore critical that you stay connected to him or her and provide that security they need as they face the challenges of the preteen and teen world ahead of them. In order to reinforce your connection, you should consider the following:
- Remain involved – As your 12-year-old gains new interests, it is important that you remain involved with what he or she is doing and where possible, share those experiences. This may simply mean ensuring that you are there when your child’s team is playing or simply attending practices every now and then. If you are not able to attend, be sure to enquire about how it all went and listen attentively to your child’s response.
- Enjoy family – Family time on a regular basis may simply mean enjoying a meal together. Sit at the table as a family with the TV off and phones on silent so that you can simply enjoy each other’s company. Ensure that your entire family participates in preparing dinner and also cleaning up. If you can’t do this on a daily basis, then schedule a regular family dinner, at the very least once a week.
- Be affectionate – Even though your son or daughter may not want any public displays of affection, they will be happy to take your hug and kiss when their friends are not around. Be sure to show your love and to say how much you love them. Gifts are a fantastic way to show love as well. On special occasions such as birthdays, you can purchase age-appropriate gifts for 12 year old boys or girls that you know your preteen will appreciate. Also remember to recognize the qualities you love about your child and to praise their developing skills as well. That recognition will boost your child’s confidence.
- Hang out – Simply doing things together is a great way to remain connected with your preteen. This could mean going running together, watching TV, doing chores, cooking or simply walking the dog together. The idea here is to enjoy your preteen’s company and let him or her enjoy yours. It is during these times that your preteen will open up about things that may be troubling him or her, giving you insight into the challenges that your child may be facing.
- Remain interested – You must show interest in the ideas, experiences and feelings of your preteen if you are to stay connected. By paying attention to him or her, you will be better able to offer guidance, support and a new perspective to the issues faced. Remember that your response needs to be non-judgmental as this will give your child confidence to bring their tough issues to you in the future.
