It’s hard enough to be a parent in the best of times — but when misfortune, death or divorce intrude upon the lives of family members, parents often face their most challenging assignment. Talking to children about difficult topics is intimidating, but there are a few simple strategies to remember that will make the experience more tolerable for everyone involved.
Be Forthright and Explanatory
Although the truth may be difficult to tell, being honest is always the best option. Parents often assume that their children know less than they actually do. Children are naturally observant, and their curiosity about situations should be indulged, not rejected. Explaining the situation in plain terms the first time saves parents lots of backtracking, re-explaining and cover-up lies. Fabricating part of the story may save you some difficult conversations at first, but lies always come back around at the most inopportune times.
Acknowledge and Accept Your Child’s Emotions
Children should feel as though they can express any emotion without shame. Especially if that emotion is a negative one like sadness, frustration or anger. It is your job as a parent to channel this outburst of emotion into positive energy. Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, or get creative by expressing themselves through art. Sometimes a wonderful drawing or an important chat can come out of the acknowledgement. Seek advice from professionals for helpful tips that may prove beneficial to your specific circumstance. Repressing the emotional baggage brought on by negative life experiences teaches the child to reject self-expression and could lead to lasting damage in adulthood.
Be Honest With Yourself
Most issues with parent to child communication stems from the parent’s own insecurities. Parents who refuse to talk honestly about the death of a family member or a painful divorce or separation may subconsciously be protecting themselves. Acknowledging your own grief or anger is an important part of the process. Children cannot be expected to properly respond to a negative occurrence if the primary role model in their lives cannot do so themselves.
Difficult moments and conversations can be a challenge, but they also provide an opportunity to bring parents and children closer together. Tragedy helps form unbreakable bonds between fellow sufferers, and being honest with your children is the easiest way to form this bond. Accepting the varied emotions of your children — as well as your own emotions — should lead to fruitful conversation and gradual acceptance of life’s travails.
