Witnessing parents splitting up is not an easy position for teenagers. Coinciding with hormone shifts and exams, a divorce in the family can feel like an especially difficult blow for teens. But there are ways to help your teen navigate through things. In this article, we share some tips on how you can handle the impact of your divorce.
The consequences of divorce for teenagers vary, they may present as one or more of the following:
- Sleep problems
- Difficulties with interpersonal relationships
- Academic problems
- Poor or anti-social behavior
- Depression
How you can support your teenager through divorce:
Try to remain amicable with your ex-spouse
Ongoing arguments and conflict throughout divorce negatively impact teenagers. This can lead to a range of problems in young adults whose mental health may suffer as a result of acrimony between their parents. Although it’s challenging, try to remain as friendly as possible with your teenager’s other parent.
Communicate openly
Although some teenagers may seem mature and have a level of adult understanding, they are still children. They are likely fighting with internal, complex emotions about the divorce and may not know how to articulate themselves well. Open the lines of communication by ensuring they feel comfortable talking to you about concerns in their own time. Make them part of decisions if they feel a loss of control, and reassure them that it’s okay to express their emotions and feel confident coming to you with any questions.
Champion connection with their other parent
Again, if you have had a difficult breakup with your former spouse, it can feel counterintuitive to encourage the bond between them and your child. But it’s important to remove your feelings about the other parent and put your child’s interests at the front of your decisions. Spending time with each parent will reassure your teenager that you are putting their feelings first and it will reinforce that despite your separation, both parents still love them.
Remember your teenager will be grieving
Grief is a common fallout of divorce for all parties. For teenagers, handling grief is possibly a brand-new emotion, they may not even recognize it for what it is. If you are communicating well with your teen, you can talk through the various emotions they will go through, including denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. This will help them at least know that what they are feeling is normal and healthy, and simply knowing this can provide comfort.
Be a good role model
There may be times during your divorce proceeding that you become angry or frustrated with the actions of your ex-partner. Try to ensure that you are not expressing your negative emotions about them to or in front of your teenager. This will make them feel compromised and may put them in a difficult situation with their other parent if they share what you have said. This will set an excellent example, with your teenager seeing directly the right way to manage conflict and complex situations.
Be organized
When you are going through a divorce, you are likely to be now living apart from your ex and your teenage child may be staying at each of your new homes. Being aligned with your ex on when your child will stay with you, and with them, will remove some of the anguish or awkwardness they may feel.
Conclusion
Helping your teen manage the impact of your divorce can be tough. Each teenager is different and will respond in different ways. Learn about all the possible ways they could be affected and develop specific ideas on how you will support your child through your divorce.
