Co-parenting and joint custody tips for divorced parents
One of the crucial considerations for divorcing parents is how to protect your children from being badly affected by the split and to give them the stability and security they need to maintain positive relationships with both parents. With around 4 million children in the UK being from separated families, it is vital that parents find a way to reduce the emotional impact by developing a co-parenting strategy that is the right fit for their family.
Remember the 3 Cs
The 3 Cs of co-parenting provide a really good foundation for managing parenthood after a divorce. Make these your cornerstones and you won’t go far wrong:
Cooperation
Working together will make everyone’s life easier. It may not be plain sailing at first, but a little time and effort will pay dividends, especially for your child. It will also teach your child that problems can be worked through and resolved, which is key to promoting healthy relationships. Push through any initial uncomfortable feelings and emotions and you should find that.
Consistency
This is really straightforward. Your child will not thank you for not sticking to arrangements. Obviously, there are those rare occasions where not being able to keep to a commitment is beyond your control, which is where the third C (communication) comes in.
Give as much notice as you possibly can if you are not going to be able to keep to an arrangement; don’t just not show up. Regardless of your feelings about your ex, it’s your children who pay the biggest price for that.
Communication
Start by voicing your commitment to a fair and healthy system of co-parenting. Reassure the other parent that you want to support their relationship with the children. Make sure that all communications are constructive and that you clearly convey your mutual expectations.
Don’t communicate when you’re upset or angry. Instead, make a list of your key frustrations and then raise them when you are feeling less emotional. This will go a long way to ensuring a more harmonious relationship.
How to prioritize the needs of the child
It may seem as though this shouldn’t need saying, but in the midst of emotional reactivity, it is easy to misunderstand or lose sight of the emotional needs of any children caught up in the fallout from a divorce. Keep the following tips in mind:
Seek professional advice
Like many areas of their lives, people often look for ways of cutting costs and attempting to manage their own affairs. However, family law can be quite complex. Throwing feelings into the mix and trying to sort everything out yourself can prove to be both emotionally and financially more costly. Getting sound advice from a trained legal professional usually saves time, money and stress in the long run.
Money talks
Financial issues are one of the most common sources of disagreement between divorcing parents. According to the ONS, only 59% of separated families have a child maintenance arrangement in place. Divorce attorneys can help protect your assets and financial future. These payments have kept over 100,000 children out of poverty, so be reasonable and remember that it is in the best interests of the child for there to be an agreement. It is children who are impacted most by any underpayments.
Be realistic
Take a pragmatic approach and don’t set unachievable goals for the other parent. Take each other’s individual circumstances into consideration, and don’t expect miracles. Consider things like travel time and the need to see other family members such as grandparents, aunties and uncles etc. Mutual respect will go a long way to safeguarding your children against emotional trauma, so make this your goal.
Co-parenting is not always easy, but by keeping the long-term interest of your children at the heart of your relationship with your ex-partner, it will become less difficult over time for everyone.
