If you’re thinking about starting a family with your partner, it’s best to get the conversation going as soon as possible. Whether you’ve been together for a couple of months or a couple of years, broaching the topic ASAP is essential. After all, if you see kids in the future and your significant other doesn’t, you need to know.
But the idea that they may not want the same things as you can be very scary. You can also be hesitant to talk about family planning because you don’t want to disrupt the dynamic you have now. However, you can’t quite let go of the idea that the two of you will be great parents.
And if that’s what you want, you deserve to talk about it! So, let’s walk through a list of things to keep in mind when you bring up your dreams of parenthood for the first time. If you’re not sure where to start, we can help you.
If You’re Feeling Hesitant, Figure Out Why
So, what’s stopping you from talking about your dreams of starting a family with your loved one? Is it the idea that they might not want the same thing? That’s usually the case.
Sometimes, it might also be the idea that you want this family in 10 years’ time, but not right now, and you don’t want to come across as too eager.
Either way, your partner needs to know what you’re thinking, and they need to know it now. Let them into your headspace and communicate your needs and wants. Anything that happens can be worked on from there.
Make Sure You’re Both in a Good Mood
A conversation like this can be quite heavy. Make sure the two of you are in a good mood before you bring it up! It’s not something to talk about after a hard day at work or a few days after an emergency. You need to be in a clear headspace and enjoying yourselves; the topic may turn a bit heavy or zap up a lot of your energy, so have a nice time first!
You can also just ask to make sure your partner is feeling OK to talk about something like this. Ask them if they’re up for a chat about the future, and if they say no, don’t be disheartened. Table the conversation for a bit later on and then try again.
Don’t Assume You Know What They’re Going to Say
You know your partner better than anyone, but you can still be surprised by them at the most surprising of times. If you’re sure you already know what your partner is going to say, and that’s part of the reason you’re so hesitant about bringing this up, stop letting yourself assume.
We sometimes do ourselves a disservice by deciding we know the way of the world. Bias creeps in in all places and convinces us that what we think is the only possible way to think. But this is simply not true! Talk to your partner, let them have an opinion, and stop letting your thoughts be the only thing you listen to.
Talk About How Difficult it Might Be
Babies are hard work, and there really is no way around that. A tiny human being is going to rely on you 24/7, and you’re going to lose out on sleep, have little time to eat or keep the house clean, and who knows if you’re ever going to be ready to go back to work either?
Becoming parents even has the chance to break a relationship in two. You might suddenly find the two of you are incompatible when there’s a lot of tension on your plate. A ‘fussy’ baby that refuses to sleep at night can lead to a lot of arguments and a lack of love in the middle of the two of you.
And this doesn’t even account for how long it might take for kids to come along. You only discover if you need fertility care after you’ve been trying for a few months and had no results. But don’t let the possibility of this dishearten you. Most couples have their parenthood dreams realized – it might just take a little longer than you intended.
But talking about this takes the power out of these ideas. If you acknowledge that it could be the most difficult thing the two of you have ever faced, you can prepare for the work that’s coming your way later on.
Who Knows What the Future Holds?
It’s something that annoys us endlessly as humans, but we really don’t know what’s going to happen next. We can have a sense of what might occur, and we obviously can put plans in place to try and guide future events in our favor, but there’s no saying what will and won’t happen.
So, even if you decide right here and right now that you want kids, what actually happens may surprise you. You may change your mind in a year’s time, or you might end up having a baby completely by accident! Life is so unpredictable and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.
Starting a family is one of the most serious things you can do. It’s not something you should plan to rush, and you and your partner should talk about it plenty before you take steps to reach this goal.
You and your partner are a team, and you should be able to face the future and whatever it holds together. However, if you’re thinking about starting a family with them one day and you’re not sure how they’re going to feel about that, talk about it. Get the discussion out in the open and don’t be afraid of the way your dreams sound out loud. If you and your partner trust each other and can celebrate your love, they’re going to be open to anything you want to say.
