Having been single for a number of years, it was such a great feeling to be in love again. It’s an out of this world feeling to get a person who understands me — a person who can cope with my craziness and my sporadic mood swings.
You know that feeling when you are mad at your partner, and they look at you with a smile on their face and tell you “ I know you are mad but, I still love you.” That is when you realize that you have hit the relationship jackpot. That was the feeling I was experiencing being in this relationship.
But, there was a big problem. We were so in love, but we approached love very differently. He wanted to hold my hand in public and was not shy to show his affection in front of his colleagues. On the other side, this freaked me out. I believe the public show of love should be left for the privacy of our little apartment. We would always fight over such and other things. The fights continued until we realized that we didn’t understand and appreciate each others love language.
So, according to Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Languages of Love, there are five ways in which people different personalities express and experience love.
Some people experience love through physical touch. No matter how much you tell them verbally that you love them, they will not ‘feel’ it as much as they would if you hugged them. Like my partner, he loves cuddling, holding hands and such physical intimacy.
Words of Affirmation
Are you the type of person who feels off if your partner doesn’t say- “love you honey” at the end of every call? Do you feel loved when he/she kisses you good morning and tell you how beautiful/handsome you are? Then, ‘words of affirmation’ might be your best love language
Acts of Service
You can show your loved one that you appreciate them by ‘doing’ something for them. For example, some partners feel loved when you take the time to cook for them or press their clothes and so on. These subtle acts of service might communicate- love you to some people more telling them you love them verbally. It might also be something as significant as doing something to help them repair their credit score or by getting a credit repair company for them such as Lexington Law and can check them out here to see what they offer. This is significant because issues to do with credit, loans, and finances, in general, are a sensitive topic with many couples.
Have you ever heard of people in a relationship who are always complaining that their partners do not appreciate them enough since they’ve never or rarely buys them gifts? Well, there are such personalities who experience love by receiving gifts. That is how they know that the person thinks about them, values and appreciates the relationship.
So, there are people who prefer their partners to cook a meal for them. It’s because of their value of Acts of Service. However, there is another group of people who’d rather eat take-out food so that they can save that time to stay together and spend quality time together. These couples prefer taking walks together so that they can enjoy each other’s company. The quality time together is more meaningful to them than gifts or any other love language.
If you are in a relationship, your primary concern should be the happiness of your partner. Therefore, so that you can have meaningful communication, you should first of all seek to understand your partner’s love language. Secondly, learn how to express your affection to your partner in their preferred style.
Next, you should understand your preferred love language. Usually, you will find that you have one or two that are predominant. Seek to teach your partner your language respectfully. When you both understand that you are different and you have different love languages, you can both make intentional efforts to make the other people feel loved and appreciated.
It is also important to note that people are more likely to express love how they experience it. A person whose language is acts of service is more likely to bring you to fold your laundry, do the house chores and so on. If you do not understand this and appreciate them for taking the time and effort, it might make them feel unappreciated. Therefore. After understanding your partner’s language, be on the lookout to when they use the style towards you. Appreciate them and also reciprocate with their style.
Finally, make sure that you have an open conversation about the different love languages. Have fun with it as you look back and see how each one of you behaves. Remember the times you had tension and conflicts because you didn’t understand each other’s language. And, together, plan how you will improve your communication with the new enlightenment about the love languages.