Building Relationships with Your Teens
Middle school is hard. The curriculum remains about the same, your children will slide pretty easily from elementary to middle school, yet the period is just generally trying for both children and their guardians. How do you help your precious kiddos navigate the minefields of their young adolescent school career?
MIDDLE SCHOOL IS WEIRD
Middle school is an odd limbo. It’s a time of increased responsibility, paired with paradoxically restricted freedom. Everyone thinks teens are up to no good, after all. Children are drifting between the activities and social circles of younger kids and teenagers, dabbling in the more mature and capable mindsets, but without experience to back them up for decent execution. That some children mature slightly faster than others is never more obvious, and the result is a real mixed bag of impenetrable troubles.
KEEP A SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE
To kids in the ages around thirteen, every problem seems earth-shatteringly monumental. As a parent or guardian, it is your job to manage this impression. The result is a careful balancing act. On the one hand, you know the day-to-day problems of middle schoolers are generally minor, in the grand scheme of things. On the other, these problems are genuinely the most serious a middle schooler has had to deal with. Whether it’s making the lacrosse team, or dealing with a new set of Mar Orthodontics braces from an Edmonton Orthodontist, kids have their troubles too. Belittling the gravity of their problems is more likely to make them mad at you than to calm them down, even if you mean well. Telling them things will change or get better also has depressingly little effect. Middle schoolers know that, but they also know it isn’t helping them if they’re miserable right now.
NO SERIOUSLY, KEEP A SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE
It’s still important that you remember the first point. Being a teenager is basically defined by making small mistakes. It’s your job to help your children fix what they’ve got wrong. Chastising them when they’re learning isn’t going to help anything, so be careful dolling out your disappointment! Sometimes, parents need to keep in mind that what their kids do in middle school isn’t going to decide their entire future, from high school, to college, to their future career, to horrible fantasies of your baby living in a gutter because they didn’t ace their history test. In middle school, help them learn the ropes without reinforcing the idea that mistakes are something they need to angst over. For some young teenagers, their sense of responsibility will drive them crazy. Helping them keep their sense of perspective will keep them from eventual burnout.
Do your best to help your teen enjoy their life in the moment. Often it’s the best way to build a solid foundation for the future. Try to sound out the difference between when a kid wants advice, and when they just want a friendly ear to complain to. Being that friendly ear will help solidify your relationship more than proselytizing.
