Parents like to think they are equipped to be the mom or dad they always pictured themselves being. It isn’t until their strong-willed son or daughter comes along and puts their parenting to the ultimate test that parents start to realize they have a problem on their hands. While a parent wants to take control of the situation, often attempting to do so only leads to one instance of locking horns with their child after another. In fact, in many cases it is the child who is really the one in control of their parents. Fortunately, it is possible for a parent to turn things around. Here are some ideas to help parents achieve this goal.
Resist the Urge to Be an Authoritarian
A strong-willed child is not necessarily a bad child. Rather, such children are often uncomfortable being forced to submit when they have no real choice in the matter. Instead of becoming an authoritarian and cramming obedience down your child’s throat, which generally fails every time, it is better to try to offer a strong-willed child the option of choosing between a number of choices when possible.
With a little practice, a parent can learn how to organize these choices in such a way as to get the child to do what they want: one way or another. Just ask yourself whether you like being bossed around or if you would prefer some choice in the matter. Parents might be surprised that by providing their strong-willed child with the option to make decisions, while allowing them to maintain a sense of autonomy in the process, their child will become more cooperative over time.
Understanding Why Strong-Willed Is a Good Trait to Have
While many parents attempt to root out their child’s strong-willed behaviors, doing this to a child may prove to be more harmful than beneficial. As written in a Washington Post article, parents are reminded that turning people into good little robots was the basis of the Nazi regime and its success in brainwashing people against their better moral judgment. To rob a strong-willed child of their ability to stand for what they believe is right for them, though it may make parenting easier in the short term, may cause these children to experience various problems with motivation and success down the road.
Since strong-willed children do not always think inside the proverbial box, they often learn how to achieve greater things than lesser motivated children as they age. By squashing that potential for the sheer purpose of ensuring the child follows orders, a parent may be taking from their child the fight they need to be a successful adult.
Seeking Professional Help
It is sometimes necessary for a parent to recognize that their strong-willed child is more than they are able to handle. When a parent has reached this realization, it is time to seek help from a professional with an applied psychology degree. Such an individual will detect things going on in your child’s behavioral patterns that the average parent would miss. This is not because you are a bad parent. Quite to the contrary, a good parent knows when they need to get a professional perspective to help them get to the root of their child’s behavioral issues.
No one said parenting would be easy. With a strong-willed child, a parent may think that the world is turned upside down. This is the first sign that means a parent must rethink their parenting strategy to properly relate to their child. Continuing to make the same mistakes with a strong-willed child, over and over again, will only bring misery to both the parent and the child.